All of us hope to be able to die with serenity and dignity. No one can happily imagine finding him or herself in an intensive care unit at that moment: dying in a sterile, anonymous environment dominated by machines, tubes, sounds and alarms, the perfect symbol of high-tech medicine.

“Unfortunately, there is nothing more we can do.” When a doctor speaks those words, relatives often break down. They can’t bring themselves to accept the fact. They ask numberless questions and all that was important until then suddenly matters no more. In the end, it is small things and small gestures that count.

Seen in that light patients are not the only ones who require our attention. Their close family members do too, because their suffering is often as great as that of the terminal patients themselves.  It is important, then, to give them the opportunity of accompanying their loved ones as they are approach death.

That is why relatives are always welcome in our wards. They can spend the night if they want to. To give them a comfortable armchair so they can be close to their dear ones or to make them a cup of tea or coffee can, if only for a moment, bring a little warmth to the clinical atmosphere.  If relatives wants to be left alone with a dying patient, we will gladly let them do so, just as we are more than happy to talk to them or to listen to what they have to say. But words are often not needed, for what is more important is silent and heartfelt support. If required, we are happy to organize a meeting with the Brother in charge of pastoral care.

After death has occurred, we arrange things so that mourning family members have all the time they need to say goodbye to their loved one in peace.

We cannot shield family members from solitude and pain, but we can communicate to them our warmth and our fellowship in their moments of solitude and pain.